Small Matter

To me, it was such a small matter that it is not even worth mentioning till after today. But he chose to blew his top and yelled at me at1 plus am in the morning and left the house.... came back at634am. Was awake all the while. Was actually waiting for him to be back. Raining heavily. Worried. But when he came back, i was angry for waiting. No matter how many sorry and whatever reasons he gave is futile. Cos i realised that i fear him when he raised his voice, afraid that he will throw something or hit me..... this kind of thoughts really pass through my mind. And i see some history of mine repeating. I have come to realise that i do not want this kind of relationship at all. I don't like to be yelled at ... i know what i don't want. Actually, a few more of this kind of episode is enough to make me give up on this relationship. Now, i fear his love... it is possessive, irrational, unreasonable and untolerable. I cannot imagine getting married into this kind of cycle.... so i guess this birthday really open up my eyes about darling. I can even lost the mood to celebrate. Just want to be with Prince to cut cake, that's it. Nothing else matter any more cos i am immune already....