Today is the Day

Today is the day.. my heart died totally. My heart stopped beating for him anymore. All because of an unneccessary lie that he had told. A lie that makes his 2 years of 'sincerity' gone to waste. A lie that makes me wake up... by his intentions with perfect excuses and lies.... I was blinded for 3 years... lies that were so perfect.... so well thought of... unless i go to the extend of inconveniencing myself to find out....

Went down to surprise him at Mind Stretcher. He was indeed surprised. My intentions was just to take this chance to see him.. to return him his IC. But the doubts in my mind.. in my heart... just can't be settle... i need to know to let my heart die.... to stab myself in my heart.... to feel the pain before i can totally give up.

I told him that his cousin's wife was 3 months pregnant and he asked who did i heard it from. Does it matter that i have aquaintence.. between... i have some of his cousin numbers.... just that he doesn't know. I always keep myself prepared... sigh... didn't know that it is of use now.

Then i casually told him that there isn't any birthday party at all... so to whom did he give that box to... he took quite a long while looking at me.. while i was watching out for his reactions... then he laughed... sniggered... and asked if that is the main reason i came down to ask... ha ha. It was not... but i can just see his mind running to find another reason.... then he told me that it was not for any of the girls that he was chasing... I DON'T CARE.... i reallly don't... care what is the reason is anymore.. the main thing is that he lied... he told me that it is for the foreigner friend who came for scouts had a birthday. And he said that was the truth....

Any reason that he gave after the first lie... is meaningless.. is worthless... cos i can no longer verify the validity of the other reason...My heart shatters in that instant.... my mind... just know that the 'foreigners' who came to singapore could also be a lie.. already... Fed with lies.. perfect lies that i could not check with anybody about it.

I held out my hand.. he got my meaning .. and he asked me how much does it cost.... i told him one hundred since he told a lie... it would not have cost him anything if he had said the truth....or maybe 10, 20, or 30 dollars... Then... i said.. that's it.... ok.. bye bye.. and i walked off....

My tears just fell like rain... when i walked up the stairs.... i was literally running and sobbing out of that place... ran to a corner .. hide behind a pillar... squat down... and sobbed...my heart out.

Called Jed and Rick... both of them listen... and give me that kind of 'i told you so' tone... just move on... and forget about the memories that was holding on to me... just remember the lies... just remember the unfaithfulness.... it will be easier...

Pain... was all i could feel... i didn't know that he is capable of causing me so much pain... i didn't know. To anybody else... this may seems like a small lie... but it is a lie that is so well thought of... that scares me.... the details of it....

Went back to my parents place.... i started crying.... Mother hugged me... daddy consoled me. I told the story... from the start.... mother can filled in the blanks already... she was laughing... cos once i told her about the box of jewellery.. she just said that it was not for the cousin but for somebody else.... and then she said that the doubt of the foreigners coming to sg also may not be true.... ya... she can think like him already.... Parents there supporting me.... makes me feel much better... Good that i can get over him... so that mother can throw away that barang barang papa chair now.... i can throw away everything that reminds me of him... now.. our pictures... erased all from my computer...... will give me more free space... everything... must go.... Let my heart harden ...... towards him.

When i am alone....
Thoughts came to my mind.....
Depressed once again...
Never knew that he can make me depressed....

Would the one hundred dollars for the jewellery patch up my broken heart?
Would the money heal my pain?
Would it make me feel better... that he paid for his lies....
Would it make it seem that he didn't lie....

My heart is numb all over again. And it must be numb towards him forever...
Please remind me everytime my heart melts...
Please don't let me be blinded by memories
Please let me save my loving for someone else more worthy......