Sep 20, 2006

Why does the memory still keep on running through my mind?

How we argue in the canteen the first time...
How he offer me the box of health food at the computer table..
How we went to Yoshinoya to eat...
How he came over with 2 beers...
How he tried to get me drunk...
How he tried his luck....

Oh the memories...
Standing from the second floor.. looking down at the parade square....
I can still see him running across the parade square trying to set up the campfire pit...
I remember the time when we were in the PE store....

Back home,I see him on the sofaI see him cooking his big bowl of maggie mee
I see him at the computer table
I see him bathing
I see him on the floor with all his papers
I see him everywhere in my house...
All the places we made passionate love in...
All the times he held me close

Tears running down now.. i am sobbing with memories..
why ... oh why.....
He lied.. he lied so many times.. my heart should be dead.... is this call unconditional love?
I have no idea... all i know that i need his arms to hold me now and tell me that everything is alright. The pain is so bad that i even thought of running to J and borrow his shoulders. Outrageous thought.... sigh..Maybe i just need little R to tell me that everything will be alright.

Why are all the memories running through my mind now...

I can't concentrate on my assignments.
I can't concentrate on my work.
I am hurting badly... feel like stabbing myself instead to numb the pain in my heart
I do not wished to go home anymore... to a place where memories are ....
I wished i could just forget... the memories that he left behind..
I wished... i wished ...

What can i do to heal myself? What can i do?