Sep 21, 2006

After school, went and took a train down to Dhobby Ghaut. Was standing at the last carriage door... look at the reflection.. i saw him holding his newspaper and smiling at me... like hmm.. why am i late.... again... my mind playing tricks on me once again.. the memories... i just smiled to myself.... stupidity. He was the one who asked for time off together till you are settle in your career. He said that nothing will change... at all between us just that we have no status inbetween. Nothing will change.. he still loves me and will be there whenever he can... that was what he said.... How naive can i get...

Memories still run.. look inside my bag.. took out his emails to her.. and i re read it through again. Anger and frustration and hurt all over again.... all the lies... he has actually been writing love letters to her in june... when we were in Shanghai with his parents. And he has actually been with her everyday.. claiming that he was busy in school... lies...lies .. lies...

The worst was his birthday.. he asked me to wait for him at home ... for him.. but in the end... he told me that he had fallen asleep. But i found out that he was actually with the other girl.. while asking me to wait for him at home... what kind of logic?

19-09-06 09:12 - May i ask what prompted the sudden urgency? I asked a question. Why do you need to reply with such hostility? I didn't do anything wrong to you and my conscience is clear

06-09-06 09:56 - Thanks. Sorry for last night. I fell asleep while packing. Was late for my course too.

These are the lies that he told. When i asked him last night, are you seeing someone else? Are you dating another? He said no. Where got time to date when he is so busy.....

Lies lies lies... again and again

I asked him if he still needs to lie to me ... he gave me the blur look. Till i showed him all his emails exchange with the girl. He can still say that he is not in a relationship with her. He is still not sure of his feelings with her.. was it loneliness...or was she just there at the right time? He loves me.. but yet... he don't know. This is what he said.. omg. Then i told him that he need ponder about it already. Me and him are over...so he can go ahead with that girl and tried it out. I am out... enough already. He said he knows the consequences of lying to me... but yet he is willing to take the risk. So he lost it.... that's it. She can have him for all i care... i need no liar in my life.

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From: "Megan Ie"
Date: Wed 13/09/2006 9:48 AM SGT
To: "Lai "
Subject: Re: Re:

Hey
oh ok, can also, my meeting only starts at 3 and then gotta go meet yangrong at his house at 6 then goin back for dinner. i think ur quite happy being an egg rite? i love u EGGIE :)

On 13/09/06,

Lai wrote:

I'm free up to 10... gotta go soon... can i call u after yr lesson? will u be busy? I'm missing the eggstasy of my life

On 13/09/06,

Lai wrote:

Dear "Useless Me",

I shall not dwell on the past and especially more so since thing have been clarified and done. Moreover, now that new developments have surfaced in the latest twist of events, I do hope you are able to see things in better perspective.

What I would like to help you would be your seemingly confusion in status awareness. I believe that for a person who loves you so much, he had never, am not and will never ever deny nor imply he is single.

What was probably lost in translation was that he was concerned about the implications he may get you into but I am very sure that he made no mention of being "ashamed" or even to admit you two are as one.

Henceforth, my advice for you gal, is to love this man with all your heart, fill him with your passion and indulge him with all the worldly pleasures one can desire for.

With love,EGG

From: "Megan Ie"
Date: Sun 10/09/2006 9:21 PM SGT
To: Him

Hey Dear!

I just needed to talk to u cos ive lots of things on my mind now and i msged u but u didnt reply and i didnt wanna disturb u so i thought i would just email u so i can get these things outta my mind and start doing my journal officially.

I just dont understand why everybody around me is breaking up and its pretty scary i think. And u know i thought about what u said just now regarding if u and i would hesitate and tell others if we were attached respectively.

U know i thought about it rite, if say its really inconvenient for u to tell other people ur going out with me, like your scouts or politics people, then rite i think its better for us to have an open relationship cos i think it'd be better for both of us.

I thought of it and was quite baffled why people seem to think im crazy for going out with u, then i realized probably they might misunderstand cos its like only me who's saying im dating u and i dont think its good if people ask u and u say ur single but yet on another hand u say ur dating me. get what im saying?

so i think rite, u and i are really in a weird situation. i dontknow about u, but i just feel a lil slighted there. im fine with it even tho ive to admit it does get tiring cos its like ive to answer to so many people. i dontknow what im talking about now. prolly i should start doing my work. im feeling empty now. i miss u.

Useless Me

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From: Lai
To: "Megan Ie"
Subject: Re: RE: I LOVE YOU
Date: Fri, 25 Aug 2006 14:49:48 +0800

aw... my work was ok... only thing not going my way is absence of you and adequate time ... haha but i dun mind time passing faster for now... den we can reunited quicker too :)

From: Lai
To: Her
Subject: I LOVE YOU
Date: Fri, 25 Aug 2006 13:42:59 +0800

Hehe... as above...

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I was literally crying in the train when i was re reading the emails again. I called Ros.. cos she told me once that it is only a habit. She talked to me for quite a long while... woke me up. Saying that if i do not heal now... it will be very unfair for my next partner. True.. true... i already did.Met up with WYL, did a bit of retail therapy again. Chatted with her.... and she said time will washed away your pain n slowly put your memories of him away. Just be good to yourself.It was good to meet up with her.

Was suppose to go Double O with Donny but i gave it a missed and came back and blog instead. Knowing jolly well that i will definitely get dead drunk and he has to look after me. I can't heal when most of the time i am drunk when i get home. I have to begin with my healing process.

She asked me something: if you found another guy who is comparable... and he wants to get married. Will you accept?I immediately said No... no .. i don't want to get married.

SO what's the point then? You go and search search search.. you found it.. then you don't want it. Waste time.. waste efforts.

Reached home... damn... memories started flowing back. Talked to Jus. He said that i was mad to let him sleep around with my permission. I told him how i was brainwashed last night. Ha ha. It seems as if i was at fault .. he sure has a way..... to brainwash...

u nuts,....cant work that way
they wont respect youwhen they dont respect you, they wont stay with you
ask him to fuck off...YOU are worth more than that
so you see...is there a point in getting upset over this type of fucker?

give urself 2 weeks....if u need me to brainwash you, just call me...

He is trained in psychology and he told me write down two things on the blog...
1 - Why do i want him back?
2 - Why I should not want him back?

I will do it by tonight so that he can vetted it tomorrow and give me the verdict.I only have a week to heal. So i better chop chop fast fast.... like what Tris said the Joey that she knows heal damn fast ... ha ha.. And Chris said that i heal in a flash..