Feb 28, 2006

Went to work at 8.30am. Got centralised marking. Shacked. Dear was so nice to pick me up from work and we had dinner together at rivervale mall. Headed back home to do my work and his monfort scouts came over for meeting. He is really sweet to help me out with the calculating that drove me nuts everytime. Had a chat with berber... (above) after a long long while of mia. She is still that cute and lovable... envy.... her age..... So long .... liao. Never meet up or chat...

Newpaper Report

There are really this kind of unreasonable, despicable people around just like my ex husband who really tries to make things difficult for the other party.

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http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news

His side of the story:
The court ruling for his divorce allowed him access to the children during Chinese New Year, the school holidays and every Sunday.
He was also given overnight access to his son every two weeks.
The children now live with his ex-wife in her parents' home.
After the divorce, he visited their home once a month but each time,
he claimed, he was denied access.
'They would come up with different excuses, saying that the children
were not in or that the kids didn't wish to see me,' he said.
'Sometimes, they would just not answer my phone calls.'
Yet, when he did get through to the children by phone, Alex claimed the
children told him how much they missed him.
He showed The New Paper a police report he made on 9 Feb 2001.
It was his birthday and Alex had planned to take the children out for ice-cream.
He said he gave his ex-wife three days' notice. But, on the day itself,
Alex called the house unsuccessfully from 11am to 6.15pm.
His ex-wife refused to grant him access to his children, he claimed.
'I may not have been the perfect father but does that mean I must
lose my children?' he asked, as tears welled.
'It's painful if I continue seeing my children. It's painful if I stop seeing them.'
'Sometimes, I think that I should just forget they were ever my children.'

******************************
Sigh... i fully understand his feelings when being faced with this kind of situation.

Read this in a flyer in the Family Court
What kind of things are especially damaging for children?
-not spending enough time with both parents
-parents using children to carry messages to each other
-parents using children to carry messages to each other
-parents who cannot cooperate with each other
-children being made to believe one parent is good and the other is bad
-children not feeling free to love both parents
-parents burdening children with adult problems

These are the things that the idiot has done.... he is guilty of all charges. As he do not read and is uneducated... so i guess i got to throw all these in his face. Uneducated idiot is what he is.

It is important that netiher parent verbally or physically attacks the other parent in front of their children. Which he is guilty of this again.

Continuing anger or bitterness towards your former spouse can injure your children far more than the divorce itself. The feelings that he showed are more important than the words he speak. That idiot is guilty again.

Sigh... all these are written in self help books all the time. And that uneducated idiot obviously has not done any reading and doing things that he thinks which is correct and it is wrong.

Children need to be given permission to love, enjoy and spend time with both parents. If a child consistently refuses contact, then family counselling should be considered.

Sleeping over in each parent's home shoule be encouraged. They need reassurance that they need permission to love both parents....

I guess i have nothing to say about that idiot's actions anymore. He is guilty of all charges which you can read about. An uneducated loser he has always been ... every since i know him. And i guess with my thousand plus eyesight really makes me blink for 2 years of dating time and 1 year of marriage....to get out of the hell hole.

New Design

Feb 26, 2006

Woke up a bit later than usual. Rushed down to Aunt's place to help her do her nails. After that, headed down to buy crystals again. Met up with dear at Kovan to have lunch, get his spectacles, check out the baby g watches. I bought him the scouts logo zippo lighter $43. As he has lost his previous one. Then we took a cab home. Managed to watch the korean show at the last part. He went for his soccer while i went to bed at 4 plus.. and slept till 9pm. He came back and bought dinner for him. Western food. After that, i did my work till around 2am. And went to bed with him.

Feb 25, 2006

CDAC in the morning. Met up with my mother at Chinatown. Oh No. The place closes at 1pm. So got to come down on Monday then. Went and buy crystals for my phone again. Had lunch and went to town to shop with mommy. Bought Hugo Boss stuff and mommy paid for it with her robinson voucher. Headed home to wait for dear. Huiling came and return me my stuff. Then my and dear went to take a cab to Seletar Reservoir there for my brother's girl one month celebration. Isn't she sweet? Wished that i could have a kid before thirties too. He was so happy. I could feel his joy whenever he speaks of his girl. Happy for him. Met up with Rick to get the notes. Home sweet home. Went and play MJ with Imran. Gosh... i lost all my chips. $95 in all. Luck was definitely not on my side..... sigh. Played till 4am.

Feb 24, 2006

He yelled at my parents and he shouted 'f**k you' to my mother infront of my dad. And my dad tell him that it is wrong, and his face and actions is like wanting to hit us. And he said ' I WILL IF I CAN' and my dad said then you got to hit me first cos they are my family. What do you expect me to do after you scold my wife? And that is your mother in law, your elder. How can you use these words to her? Moreover she is a woman. And he didn't apologise. This shows his how well is his upbringing and what makes it worst that the son is around and the MIL is behind smiling as if her son is doing something glamourous. And when we tell him off with regards on what we say. He kept on clapping his hands in glee. And my dad told him that his actions are really childish and it shows his maturity. And he said we insulted his mother. Excuse me... did he hear what we said? We just said that she threw thirty water at me and curse my mother to be hospitalised, as a devoted buddist as she proclaimed herself to be. How can such words and actions come out from her? And that is insulting?????? Then her cursing and her actions are not insulting? Or should i say he yelled vulgarities at us were not insulting?? How blind can she be? And MIL purposely wet the sitting area at 650pm knowing that we will sit there and wait. My parents saw her came out and wet that area only. And he has threatened to hit us if he can. So violent. My dad even tell him why he behaved like that, so childish, clapping his hands in glee wrt what my mother had said to him. And he told my dad that he was being provoked.. to being the way he is as he is very bad tempered. He admitted it himself that he is bad tempered.... so what? Our problem? eh.... provoked... this word... he has never used it before... someone must have taught him? His english is getting powerful leh... provoke means easily made angry.

Well, one sentence of advice: He can choose to refuse to react to my provocation. But he did not, thus he could hardly restrain himself and his anger with difficulty and therefore made us more vulnerable to his attacks if my dad was not around.

When he asked the son if he told him that this is not your mommy, the son said yes.... and he quickly said that son didnt hear properly his question and he proceeded to ask a few more times emphasizing certain words. That is brain washing in front of us. AND he kept on insisting that i had affairs during the time of our marriage which I DID NOT. He assume and believe that i did. And he seems adamnent that i did. Maybe it is his way of excuse that he hit me.... Son said that i have a lot of bf and gf during my course of marriage and i hit that idiot. Oh.. what facts did he drill into the son? Rubbish to cover his violent and loser ways of his. When ask if daddy has a gf? Son said no..... and he needs to ask his questions a few times before son say mommy. Which is his gf.... what kind of moral values is he showing my son? What kind of lies is he feeding my son?

And he said that i took alot of pictures to post on the net. Is he scared? Did he do something wrong? Then he said that if i am not afraid, why should i keep on shifting my site.... Why? Cos i do not want him to read it. This is my diary online and he is trying to use of my diary against me. Why should i allow it? It is a place where i keep my memories. And he brought up the newspaper stuff again... all thanks to the nasty journalist who sensationalise it to her own advantage. If i really did what the newspaper proclaim me to be doing. I would have been sacked and terminated. Since these are not happening, i can only say that he doesn't know how to read properly and fed his lawyer with lies without confirming the facts. And his monkey is no longer jumping around him nowadays... why? Gotten advise to keep the monkey away for the time being?

Let's put it this way. He has always been insecure with my guy friends. The people that he has accused me of are my childhood friend since primary school and poly days. They are the ones who are always there for me. Now they are still friends of course. When he assume something, he will imagine it to be true... and the scenerio will keep on replaying in his mind till he believes that it had happened. That is the thinking of the loser. And of course, he deny hitting me when i was in my 3rd week of maternity. And when we moved into our matrimonial flat. I gave up when he hit me the 3rd time in the 2 years of marriage. I lost interest in man.... really give up on them. And there he still can say that i have affairs with men????? huh???? i guess i hate men enough to be totally put off for another 2 years which is in 2002 to 2004. He replayed the things that he wanted so much to believe in that he is living a lie... and thus making my son paying for his lies....

You may ask, if is it painful for me? Yes, of course to see my son to go through that kind of family upbringing. But then, Life is too short for me to engage myself in his lies and deceit.

Let it be.... let it be. Just pray hard and God will lead the way.....

Affected by the events. I walked all the way with tears to junction eight. I just need to walk away all my frustrations and sadness. Bought two tops frm Bysi. Retail therapy. Roy came and fetch me back home and i headed to weiping house to destress with Imran. Due to my depression mood, dear was taken for granted.... so sorry. Never meant to make him bear all my problems.....

The glistering of water on the surface. MIL fetish with water!

Look at his way of talking. So rude!

Son is getting violent?

Where did he learn all these from?

Everytime i take a pic, he will hide and

stand somewhere it is blocking him. Scared?

A puppy for raphael? Maybe that's also included in the $500 that he demand.

Look at how hostile his standing position is when talking to my dad.

At 7pm. His car engine is still hot.

The mother purposely wet the sitting area at 6.50pm only to prevent us from sitting on it.

So "kind" and "compassionate" of her!

Does a 6 year old kid need this? I wonder.

Feb 23, 2006

The maid came in the morning at 830am. Opened the door and went back to sleep till 11pm. Got out of the house at 12pm. Work. And headed down to SIM with hamimah. The tutorial seems easy enough. So i guess i will be able to settle it by this weekend hopefully. Must set buffer time. Reached home. He cooked soup for me to drink. So sweet of him. Really nice soup. Both of us watch telly till 2 plus and then realised that we are actually waiting for each other to say go to bed.. sigh. Miscommunication... so we went to bed together. Tired out. Period ends. So fast. It usually takes only 2 days..

Chief Scouts Commendation

Mother's Love

One calm,bright,sweet,sunshine
day,an angel stole out a heaven and
came down to this old world,and roamed field
and forest,city and hamlet.
Just as the sun went down

he spread his wings and
said:"Now my visit is out,and I must go

back to the world of light.But
before I go,I must gather some mementos

of my visit here."He looked
into a beautiful flower garden and said,"How lovely

and fragrant these flowers

are".He plucked the rarest roses and made

a bouquet and

said,"I see nothing more

beautiful and fragrant than these;

I will take them with me."But he looked a

little further and saw a bright-eyed,

rosy-cheeked baby,

smiling into its mother's

face.And he said,"Oh,that baby's smile

is prettier than this bouquet;I will take

that too."Then he looked just beyond the cradle

and there was a mother's

love pouring out like the gush of a river

toward the cradle and the baby.And he

said,"Oh,that mother's love is the prettiest

thing I have seen on earth;I will

carry that,too."With the three treasures

he winged his way to the

pearly gates,and lit just on the outside

and said,"Before I go in,I will examine

my mementos."And he looked at the flowers

and they had withered.He looked at the

baby's smile and it had faded.He looked

at the mother's love and there it was,in

all it's pristine beauty.He threw aside

the withered flowers and faded

smile,and wing his way through the gates and led

all the hosts of heaven

together and said,"Here is the only thing

I found on earth that would keep

its beauty all the way to heaven-

It is a mother's love

A Chat With God

God : Hello. Did you call me?

Me: Called you? No.. who is this?

God : This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.

Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midest of something.

God : What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.

Me: Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

God : Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

Me: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

God : Well I wanted to resolve your! fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

God : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?

God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..

God : Pain is inevit! able, but suffering is optional.

Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God : Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God : Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?

God : Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you! are free from problems.

Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..

God : If you look outside you will not know where you are heading.Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

God : Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God : Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Me: What surprises you about people?

God : when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I cant get the answer.

God : Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Me: How can I get the best out of life?

God : Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God : There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat.

God : Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that took our breath away! "

Verse of the Day

Eve was made of a rib out of the side of Adam, not made out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved - Matthew Henry

No Escape For The Wicked

Feb 22, 2006

Slept an hour later. Dear sent me to school. It was drizzling. After school, dear also came and fetched. Took a cab to Civil Service Club for dinner. It was funny, interesting and always enjoyable with the katong group of people. Friendly, sincere and full of fun. The food was moderately so. But all in all, everyone enjoyed themselves. Took lots of pics. Celebrated Albert and Roland's birthday with a cake. Saw Malcom. Happen to bump into Gerald. Hitch a ride with him to Serangoon. Sent Dinesh's gf home although it was totally out of the way from Serangoon Gardens. But nevertheless, made a big detour from Serangoon gardens to Ang Mo Kio and then back to SK. Dear met up with BK while i headed home first. 3 hours later... he is still not back. Tired of waiting.

Stray Cat

I miss the cats. When i saw her, i just call out to her and she came up and stayed for around half an hour before Nancy came back and let paper out. So sad. She ran away. Even Nancy says that she looks similar to Victoria. Sigh... feelings.... 2 weeks with the cats is enough to bring a whole lifetime of missing for them.

Pictures for the Night

More Stuffs Added

Dear said that it looks like shells are on it. Colleagues said that it reminds them of wedding. Some say so girlish. But most of all... its mine and i love it. Lets see how long this novelty last. Haha.

Feb 21, 2006

Went to work earlier. Catherine was earlier and she was already waiting for me. Got the quotes and handed them to AM. Went to have lunch with DW. He is as usual, get con into coming to SK and in the end, fly aeroplane. Nearly puke blood today just because of the letter writing. After work, bought a tripod stand for my digital camera to begin taking pics of my beads. Sold Jason a pair of swoarski earrings. Huling helped me sold a set. And now got to begin my camera taking for my beads so that i can upload them once she set up the website. Lots of work. Rick asked me to eat Pao again. Sigh... Maths is so difficult yet challenging ... Last year. Better work hard and concentrate. Digressing.... ok. Took a cab to Upper Serangoon Shopping Centre to make specs for dear. Then later walked over to opposite to have dinner at the Hong Kong Cuisine. Not that impressive for rather expensive food. Bought durian puffs and ate all 4 of them. Ha ha. Dear sick cannot eat. Lucky me. Period came yesterday night.... mood is so down.

I TRY TO REMEMBER

1. Everybody Doesn't Have to Love Me

Not everybody has to love me or even like me. I don't necessarily like everybody I know, so why should everybody else like me? I enjoy being liked and being loved, but if somebody doesn't like me, I will still be okay and still feel like I am an okay person. I cannot make somebody like me, any more than someone can get me to like them. I don't need approval all the time. If someone does not approve of me, I will still be okay.

2. It Is Okay to Make Mistakes

Making mistakes is something we all do, and I am still a fine and worthwhile person when I make them. There is no reason fo rme to get upset when I make a mistake. I am trying, and if I make a mistake, I am going to continue trying. I can handle making amistake. It is okay for others to make mistakes, too. I will accept mistakes in myself and also mistakes that others make.

3. Other People Are Okay and I Am Okay

People who do things I don't like are not neccessarily bad people. They should not neccessarily be punished just because I don't like what they do or did. There is no reason why other people should be the way I want them to be, and there is no reason why I should be the way somebody else wants me to be. People will be whatever they want to be, and I will be whatever I want to be. I cannot control other people or change them. They are who the are; we all deserve basic respect.

4.I Don't Have To Control Things

I will survive if things are different than what I want them to be. I can accept things the way they are, accept people the way they are and accept myself the way i am. There is no reason to get upset if I can't change things to fit my idea of how they ought to be. There is no reason why I should have to like everything. Even if I don't like it, I can live with it.

5. I Am Responsible for My Day

I am responsible for how i feel and what i do. Nobody can make me feel anything. If i have a rotten day, I am the one who allowed it to be that way. If i have a great day, I amt he one who deserves credit for being positive. It is not the responsibility of other people to change so that I can feel better. I am the one who is in charge of my life.

6. I Can Handle It When Things Go Wrong

I don't need to watch out for things to go wrong. Things usually go just fine, and when they don't, I can handle it. I don't have to waste my energy worrying. The sky won't fall in; things will be okay.

7. It is Important to Try

I can. Even though i may be faced with difficult tasks, it is better to try than to avoid them. Avoiding a task does not give me any opportunities for success or joy, but trying does. Things worth having are worth the effort. I might not be able to do everything, but i can do something.

8. I Am Capable

I don't need someone else to take care of my problems. I am capable. I can take care of myself. I can make decisions for myself. I can think for myself. I don't have to depend on somebody else to take care of me.

9. I Can Change

I don't have to a certain way because of what has happened in the past. Every day is a new day. It's silly to think I can't help being the way I am. Of course I can. I can change.

10. Other People Are Capable

I can't solve other people's problems for them. I don't have to take on other people's problems as if they were my own. I don't need to change other people or fix up their lives. They are capable and can take care of themselves, and can solve their own problems. I can care and be of some help, but I can't do everything for them.

Life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance and building confidence. It's about what you way and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about.

11. I Can Be Flexible

There is more than one way to do something. More than one person has had good ideas that will work. There is no one and the only "best" way. Everybody has ideas that are worthwhile. Some may make more sense to me than others, but everyone's ideas are worthwhile, and everyone has something worthwhile to contribute.

For Myself

Life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance and building confidence. It's about what you way and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about.

Especially for MunWai

Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebrating of another's personhood.

I love you.

Fauroni

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.

Feb 20, 2006

Work. CDAC. Dear was sick. He was having fever. Went out with BK to JK to have supper. After that, headed home to rest. Dear slept at 4 plus again.

Diamonds on phone

Xiaxue's phone.

My Own Design

My handphone design. DIY.

Feb 19, 2006

Sunday. Went for breakfast or brunch with my parents. The chicken rice was really too disappointing for words. Went and shop around the area. Bought a pair of shorts and track pants. Collected my handphone. Went back home to watch my Korean show from 2pm to 4pm. Then after that, eyebrow trimming and then we headed down to West Mall for a walk. Cousin came and fetch at 630pm. And we went to Bukit Timah there to have fish head curry.

I asked to hold Joshua little hands and he did. My tears just fell and i can't stop sobbing. And of course Joshua was a bit uncomfortable. But i guess he knows that it is because of Raphael. I can just close my eyes and imagine that it was Raphael's hands in mine. Cousin consoled me. The thought pains me so much that Raphael was so influenced by negative things about me that he shun my hands and my mother's hands. Touching him.... Just looking at Joshua reminds me so much of my little Raphael. So young and innocent. A white piece of canvas being painted day by day by uncouth methods, hatred, negative feelings in him. All i want is Raphael to be happy. And it hurts me deep in my heart that my hands are binded and i can't do anything to help my baby.

Had dinner and Imran came and fetched me back to Seng Kang. Played one round of mah jong and lost $25. Guess it must be the negativity.... that didn't bring luck. My mind was not there.... somewhere with my baby all the way...... Finished at 12 plus. Went back and dear was there.... cuddle up to each other. Assuring me that things will turn out well... cos he can see that i miss Raphael like crazy.

Feb 18, 2006

The 2 pieces of clothing that i got for $5 each

Went to have dinner at Billy Bombers at Boon Lay under Daddy's account. He he.

The mattress that my mom made for Raphael. I always sleep on it now. I still can visualise and smell raphael's smell there. It makes me feel alot more closer to baby. I miss him. I have been sleeping on it ever since baby has not been home.... a mother's love can never be compared with anything.

Feb 17, 2006

Frank arrived at 5 am and woke us up cos his room is in a mess... oops. Work. Chatted with Julian. Got affected. Luckily lots of encouragement from friends and family. So managed to get in terms with the fact again that i married a loser......

The police officer came and tried to get people to respond to his calling outside his gate. Excuse me. Neighbours can hear the police and they can't? Must be deaf. So the police officer was really nice and kind enough to walk all the way to the back to check if there is anyone at home. And there they are behind the MIL and son. By the time we walked out to the front, MIL has not even walked to the front gate. Nevertheless, she slowly hobbered to the gate. She kept on standing around Raphael, smirking all the way. But yet she is always on the phone waiting for instructions from her son. Sad case... that her authority is long gone. Given to the son. And found a puppy with raphael. Of course, can the idiot refused anything that raphael wants now? He can't. Cos they don't want him to run back to me if they deprived him of anything. Thus spoiling the child. Son at last... said it. And the police officers noted it down. And i managed to get alot of photos of baby. Without an idiot around, there will definitely be slips up between him n the MIL. And i have gotten what i want without him around. Took cab down to make a report. And the police are really sympathetic and agreed that there are always this kind of people around. Good. Cheers.

Dear passed his advanced. We had minced pork noodles with mother and then we waited for her to take a bus back. And we headed down for a drink that calls for a mini celebration to our success. Took cab home.