For Raphael

Birdsong Lullaby by Diane Stanley

"Mommy?" asked the little boy.
"Yes," his mother said.
"I was thinking..."
"What were you thinking, darling?"
"If I were a bird..."

"...if I were a bird,
I could fly anywhere I wanted
and see such wonderful things!"

"Really? What would you like to see?"

"If I were a bird, I could sit on people's windowsills
and peek inside their houses."

"That's right. You could."

"I could play in our birdbath."
"And I'd bring you sunflower seeds to eat."
"No, cake!"
"All right then, cake."

"If I were a bird,
I could look down into people's backyards..."

"I could catch all the lost balloons and give them back to children."

"What a pretty idea!"

"If I were a bird, I could see what kind of pajamas kings wear."

"When it got cold,
I could go to Brazil
and live in a tree full of monkeys."

"And you'd tuck your head
under your wing to sleep."

"In the summer,
I'd fly to the seashore
and play with the waves."

"Or look down
over mountain lakes
and see my reflection."

"If I were a bird,
I could soar through the air,
then land gently
and not hurt myself at all
I could float on the wind
and touch the clouds!"

"And Mommy - I could fly right into a rainbow
and come out full of colours..."

"Maybe you'll dream about it tonight."
"You think so, Mommy?"
"And it will seem so real..."
"It will be real!"
"Yes, darling."
"Mommy..."
"Shhh, go to sleep."
"Mommy?"
"What, darling?"
"Leave my window open tonight..."

**********************

If I were a bird ...
I will go wherever you go,
My little prince,
To watch over you,
And guide your every little step,
Letting you know
That you are loved.....
Every single second of the day.
I love you.....

If you were a bird....
Would you fly back to me....
My little prince.

I will wait till you have
wings to fly
No matter how long it takes
My arms will be open wide
To welcome you back...
For you are the reason
Of my Existance....
I will wait years for you.....

Mar 26, 2006

Early in the morning at 6am. Woke up and got ready with mother to go to the Flea Market. Woke Aaron up at 630am. Reached the flea market at 715am, and was so surprised to see people already set the stall and ready to do business already. This is first come first serve basis. No wonder ppl are so kiasu. My mother and i bagged two places and got ready. Aaron came with wife at around 8 plus. And we started selling... ppl only come over when the price is stated there. And they will only buy when it is less than $3. Sad case... managed to sell a few old items. But not my beads cos i can't sell any lower already. Sell some of the soft toys.. there goes my memories of people. Closed at 1pm. Headed home showered and got ready to go the airport. Sick.. my nose is giving me problems. Reached airport and sent Grandaunt off. After that, had dinner at the airport with relatives at crystal jade. Mother paid for it around $107. Reached home at 730pm. Dear was sleeping. Woke him up and took over the bed... I slept till the next morning... so tired.

Sunday Pictures

At the Flea Market sale at Jurong West

These 3 soft toys given by that idiot. On the Coca-cola polar bear.. he wrote 'darling xiaoping, I love you forever' It seems that he doesn't know what is the meaning of forever... ha ha. Anyway, i sold his love away... heartless? He deserved it. I sold the bear and the rabbit for 2 dollars! YES! Got rid of his rubbish and managed to earn a bit of cash.

At the airport, sending Grandauntie off back to HK.

Mar 25, 2006

Saturday CDAC tuition as usual. After that headed home. Jason and wife came over at 230pm to help me shift the things over to mother's house. Luckily for the ride and extra help. Otherwise it will prove to be a difficult task. They came over and chatted with my parents and looks at photos. After that, they went home. And i met up with Catherine to pass her the school uniforms for the bears. Took train with her and parents. And headed down to Kovan, Simin's house to visit Grandauntie who came from HK. Stayed there for a while. Had buffet. Took pics and video cam. Don't know what happen to the camera, the pictures are blurred even when i use 5m. Guess must send for repair liao. Left at 9pm. Took cab back to parents place. Slept at around 12 plus..... shacked out.

Saturday's photos

Raphael's blog DONE

Isn't she fantastic? Super solid. Check her services out at fuseloose.com.

Mar 24, 2006

Went to work earlier cos got SHINE workshop.. Sigh. After work, took a cab down to see Raphael. This time round, he let my son come out. He gave permission for Raphael to come out. By telling him that I am here and tell him to wear his slippers and talk to me. The dog is inside as usual. We chatted for a while. Showed him all the pictures. He kept on asking me where were the pictures taken. We showed him the porridge that we brought. He looked longingly and smell the porridge. Then he looked back at the house. The idiot chose to sit at the table where he is in view of what is going on outside. Raphael said don't want and ran back. Played with my handphone. He called my mommy handphone and they chatted on the phone even though she is standing in full view from him. It was heart warming at that point of time. He has been brain washed again. Now, he has been taught not to answer any questions that we asked. So as not to prevent him from saying the wrong things. Maybe the idiot is trying to prolong the divorce just to have sufficient time to fully trained Raphael into knowing what to say or what not to say. When probed further into some questions... he ran back. I guess he needs to ask for the answers.

He was standing in view of us when i saw someone roughly pulled him by the arm into the area that is blocked by the pillar. Is that how my son should be treated? Maybe he is so used to it that he didnt know that it is rough.

After that, he don't want to come out. Kept on closing the sliding door. Heard the dog talking and then the idiot talking. Must be brain washing. Son did not come out... but we kept on waiting, calling for him to come out. Son was really rude.. to tell us to keep quiet cos he is busy. Busy with wat? The dog is purposely taking up our time with him.

Of the whole time, that idiot stood up once and look out of the window to check on raphael and another time the dog also look out. And the old woman is sitting at the chair by the sliding door like a watchdog.

I kept on calling for Raphael.... but he did not reply. I guess that idiot never give him permission to come out again. I called out to raphael that we are going back. Can he come out to say good bye? Can or cannot? Did daddy give you permission to come out? Ask daddy for permission. If he cannot come out, just tell us and we will go off.

You have to bear in mind that all the while, we can't hear the exact conversation inside the house. But can hear that somebody is talking and who. Now, that idiot raised his voice to be heard.... RAPHAEL, CAN YOU GO OUT AND TALK TO HER COS SHE THINKS THAT I DONT LET YOU OUT? AND SHE IS TALKING NONSENSE AGAIN. With that, Raphael came out. Permission granted.

Let's go back to the sentence that he said. SHE IS TALKING NONSENSE AGAIN. With this sentence, he is guilty of 2 points stated in the Family Court.
1. It is important that netiher parent verbally or physically attacks the other parent in front of their children.
2. children being made to believe one parent is good and the other is bad

That few minutes that Raphael came out was the most precious time once again. We talked in whispers. Tears fell like rain once i turn away from the gate. I see my long lost innocence of Raphael in that few precious minutes. Oh so precious. A kiss on his little hands.... a mother's mark of love for the time being till next week. Love you Raphael always.

After that, took a cab to cousin house at hougang as grandauntie from hongkong just touched down at around 4 plus in the afternoon. She is 92 years old and looks really fit. Spend some time with her. And then chatted with Simin for awhile. Then headed home.

Pictures of precious time with son

Precious time with son

Anyway, he gave him permission to come out by telling

him that i am here and tell raphael to go out and talk to me.

Showed him pictures of the happier times.

Poor Me. Got to take my dinner outside while waiting for

son to have permission to come out again.

Mar 23, 2006

Thursday. After work, share a ride with Hamimah to and fro to SIM. Waited at home for him to come home. Finished up my assignment. At last, i hate to do last minute work.

Mar 23, 2006

Thursday. After work, share a ride with Hamimah to and fro to SIM. Waited at home for him to come home. Finished up my assignment. At last, i hate to do last minute work.

Dreams and Frustration

Had nightmare again. During one of the days that i had Raphael, he clinged on to me all the way and don't want to let go when he came and bring him back. Crying that he doesn't want to go back. Re-enact the scene of many times last time.. till sometimes Jerome get so pissed that he drove off in anger. And Raphael got to be dragged out of the car by mother in law and lock inside the gate.... watching me leaving him everytime. Was it a painful last time, everyweek go through the heart wrenching moments of him don't want to go home to that family. But now, it comes back to haunt me that why didn't i just take care and control of him... so that he will not subject to this kind of brain washing now.

Remembering what that idiot said about his life...He was being brought up in a family where dad is always not around, and granny brain washed and said so many negative things against his mother till he hates his mother thoroughly, and he having to watch other of his cousins having the things that he can't have, swimming, piano lessons etc. And he said he doesn't want his son to grow up in that environment.

Excuse me! An idiot will always be an idiot. He is doing exactly what he say not to. Not having the biological mother around the time, brain washed the son against the biological mother and not able to provide for the kid piano lessons, swimming, speech theraphy. Loser!

And one more thing, he wants to take up PPO against us???? HUH??? on what grounds???? His lawyer said that her client will take up PPO against us if we don't retract our PPO.... HUH??? Was that a threat i heard???? Or a bargain??? Either way this shows that he is guilty.... SUCH A LOSER!

Mar 22, 2006

Work and went home. Do TMA. Then my turn to cook for dear. Then retire to bed. Something different this time round.. hmmm....hot cold hot cold. Guess he can't handle it.

Draft

A template especially for all my memories of Raphael. An online journal just for him.

The template means:
Window to the world..... so much to do with my son, so much to tell my son... but both of us will only have the window to look out to each time we think of each other.....

Tears welled up in my eyes when she told me the meaning of the window. Of course she is the one who design this, and of course my blog design too... She is such a darling.

But of course, she charges.... ha ha.

Thoughts

Kept on having dreams about him again. Him calling out to me again. I really miss him so much. Would love to see him, talk to him again. But yet the thought of seeing that silly family again... makes me dread. Maybe it is what they want. Especially with the silly mother trying to be funny, dancing in the house.. with the dog laughing. At her silliness... or her way of portraying that there is nothing we can do to get baby. An adult behaving that way is disgraceful. Anyway, now i fully understand what a primary one kid says to me the last time round. I asked him, did daddy come and see you? He answered no. Cos daddy said that he hates seeing mommy that is why he chose not to come when mommy is around... and mommy is always around... so he does not get to see his dad. Sigh. Sad case... but i guess it applies to me also. I just hate seeing despicable people with their silly actions. But i guess... no choice. Some people in the world are like this. We just have to accept stupid people like this in the society.

Mother's love is unconditional. And nothing can replace that... not even the dog.

Oh yes. That idiot still has the cheek to tell his lawyer to tell my lawyer off about what we have in verbal agreement. But HELLO IDIOT, you broke your agreement. You said who file for divorce is the one who pay for the papers.... but you ask me to pay for your lawyer fees and to pay maintenance to YOU and the renovation loan. So all deal is off, idiot. You are not a man of your words... so don't expect the weaker sex to go according to where you point. It is only his dog that will go to where he points... that is what he wants in a girl. A girl with no brains, wont argue with him on his educational level, will give in to him all the time in everything even though he is unreasonable especially in the physical sense, stay at home do household chores and wait patiently for him to come home to bed, don't ask for maintenance. Of course, two idiots will only be compatible with the same educational level.

Well... these are the things i don't do. Come on, you think a wife is for Wash, Iron, F*** and Etc? Nowadays in the 20th century... you will no longer find this kind of wife.. unless she is uneducated with low IQ level and who has the olden kind of days mentality....

Nowadays, women wants a say in the renovation, decision making, respect, house, career, salary, types of car etc. Cos she can do without a man anytime. Women like these do not need a man to upkeep her. She can handle better on her own. Unless she wants kid. But nowadays with money, insemmination is simple. Less than 5K. Nobody to fight over the upbringing of the kid. Divorce no need to fight ....for the kid. Save less trouble.

Men are nothing but idiots walking around with their baby making machine.

No men are exceptions.... but i still love one of them.

Mar 21, 2006

Work as usual. Alot of how how's by the admin staff. Even my second in command. Then she shakes her head... why is there such people? Sigh.... Guess everyone finds that it is such a drama serial. With lots of air turbulances... Went back. He cooked pasta for me, cleaned up. I did some of my tutorial. Drive me nuts.... foul temper cos it is driving me nuts. Went to bed in a foul mood. He stayed cleared..... ha ha.

My Baby

Photo sent through mail from cousin. Knowing that i am going through a tough period. She sent this to cheer me up. Raphael with his most sincere smile of his. I hope he knows what kind of pain i am going through. I love him so much.

Mar 20, 2006

Headed down to school to finish up some stuff that is due today. Everyone knows i am on UPA. And it was really heart warming to hear the admin staff showing support. Reached there earlier. Had $5 raw fish. Met up with parents at Chinatown. Had yong tau fu. Then went for court. Julian came down. He looked at bit messy.... guess he must be rushing here and there.

GUESS WAT? The loser is not present.... as he needs not come. BUT the lawyer is also absent when the judge has already said that loser need not come as lawyer will represent him. Guilty? Cannot deny? Cos that's the truth. If he lies.. does it mean that he doesn't respect the court? Let's see how low can his morals be from that kind of family. And maybe the father will come back since he is in shithole now. And give him money. Let's see how he can weedle out from his father... i guess with lies... he is really good at that. He can really lie with a straight face to his mother as he often did when we were dating. Shocking??? So now, a word of advice, never choose a guy who can lie to the mother without battling an eyelid and don't feel remorseful.

After that, had a chat with Julian and then we went to have Fried Dumplings. Dear came down dressed in his best. Shirt and pants. Nice... even daddy said nice. We went to Dhobby Ghaut to take a walk. Bought a Future State red top. He bought a Fila bag. Had Pastamania for dinner. And i rushed for my tuition. Came back home. Dear was already asleep.

Roy came over... and i signed on another plan. Upgrade my medishield to AIA $95 per year. Sometimes, i am such a sucker for insurance. As long as someone comes over to chat about insurance.. and i find that it is good. I will just buy. I don't even compare with other insurance companies over the same kind of policy.... stupid right? Same as what i did when Raphael was 1 month old, when i went to OCBC to open a joint account with Raphael. I bought 2 policies from Great Eastern at one go within half an hour just becos one of the counter guy approached me to talk about insurance. Stupid. But after 5 years, i am still happy with what i got for baby and me. I guess after my divorce, i will do up a WILL. Cos i don't want everything to go automatically to my next of kin which is RAPHAEL... as that idiot will definitely take over from Raphael when he is not of age. He is despicable to that sense.... in my point of view. I guess 10 years of relationship with him... can show his true colours.. and i have been so blind. Guess maturity comes with age.

Mar 19, 2006

Sunday. Whole day at home. Slept till 12 plus. And do my work..hang around... he also does his work. He slept from 5-8pm. Me bored to death at home. So xian .. super frustrating. He wakes up and get grouchy. Disagreement. I see no reason.. why should i be around when you don't even give me attention. Just want my presence.. a whole day of presence and i went for mj from 10pm-1am. Supposedly to go for our dinner after it. But in the end, he gave me a short reply that he had eaten. So i bought maggie mee and eat loh. Sleep.... i just hate to stay at home facing 4 walls just for him to feel my presence in the house for him to do his work. Frustration. Never understand and will not try to.

Mar 18, 2006

Saturday. CDAC. Went for SIM. And the stupid stupid irritating guy loh, chose a place just behind 'best friend' everytime. Actually the second time. Finished lecture at 5pm, stayed at block 80 till around 730pm to do our tma. Left only those that we are unsure of. And he said that i should walked straight instead of haunching. Looks terrible. Took a bus to mother's place. Went to have dinner with her. Chatted with the Singtel guy. Then left mother at 10pm. Waited for dear at Chinatown usual place and headed home. Had a slight disagreement with dear in regards to my way of handling things and being rather insensitive to his feelings. Sigh. Went for MJ. I can't believe it. 'shi san yao' I did it. Yes! Won around $45 played 2 rounds till 4am. Talked to dear for a while before i sleep. Tired out.

Mar 17, 2006

Did not manage to get a good sleep. Raphael evaded my dreams all the time. He is always calling out to help him. Is it a mother instinct to have these dreams all the time? I really wonder.

Travelled all the way to Boon Lay to have lunch with my parents at Billy Bombers as we have 2 vouchers for ribs 1 for 1. After that, parents used his popular card to buy dictionary and we went to engraved dear's scout lighter with his code name. Groovy. Rushed down to silkcut as i made appointment at 230pm. G was there yesterday, she told me. Dear cut and dyed his hair at my request.

After that, we headed down to Marina Square to have dinner with his PE friends. Was supposed to have dinner at 7pm but ended up waiting for all to reach, we started at around 9pm. Went shopping while they waited. Bought a white top at Mango $20 , Pearl Powder $22.90 Face shop and 3 tops for $8 each. The food sucks at sweet secrets. Service sucks too. Terrible. After that,headed to the little drinking place at the bridge of marina to millienia walk. 3 jugs for them. Left at around 1am. Shacked out.

Sometimes i would rather choose to go out with my friends or stay at home or have my own activities when he has his gathering cos i felt like a vase everytime i hang around.

Silkcut Salon

Photo of the Day

Mar 16, 2006

Woke up with a split headache. Guess that is called hang over. Dressed and went to work place to get upa for monday. Court case.

Sometimes, i wonder, colleagues and friends... a thin line being drawn. This is not the first time it happened to the same person, this is distinctly the 3rd time. Gave so many chances, forgive, accept the way she is. But to the same results, she disappointed me everytime. Am i supposed to be calculative towards her? I can't bring myself to doing it. It is not that i am asking for favour everytime due to small minor things... it is about court, lawyer and serious stuff. Guess she won't understand and she will never help willingly.

Surprisingly, she messaged me. With good news and bad news. A friend or a foe. Time will tell. And it will be a tough lesson for me if she turns out to be a foe. But i guess forgiveness will be in the wind as she is the only one who truly understands the situation and we both have a common enemy in life.

Had Sakae Sushi with dear at rivervale mall. Then we headed home and do our stuffs. Stayed at home the whole day.

Took a nap in the afternoon. Had nightmares again. I snatched Raphael from his house and ran to my cousin house to stay. Had a cat fight with the dog... you may ask.... who? well.. the dog refers to his slut. Bitch is too nice for her... so call her the dog. Raphael in the end testify against that idiot. And said that daddy brain washed him and tell him lots of awful things about mommy which is not true. Had another dream about dear not giving me pizza and i left him. ha ha.

Told dear all my dreams. And he immediately ordered pizza for dinner. Super Lazy lazy today.....

Mar 15, 2006

They do not want to take pictures AT ALL

Still at my sober state
Half drunk with pretty girl Joanne
Surrounded by beauties. Won't BB be jealous?

Imran came and fetch me at the same time helped me to move some things over to mother's house. So nice of him. Mother went out with friends and i slept till dad came back. Had dinner with parents and dad sent me to SIM. Took a cab down to double O and drunk quite a lot for me. Knew a few new found friends... pretty girls of course. The guys are so shy to get their picture taken that none of them dare to take the risk incase their pics ended up on my blog. Got totally wasted. Blabbering and cannot even walked straight. Supposedly to go to MOS. But damn, Pauline said NO. And i got dragged home by Aliz and Janet and her hubby. Sigh. Holidays are supposed to play till 3-4 am. But still kena dragged home at 1am. Concussed on the bed before he came back. He made me more comfortable when he came back. Use wet towel, on air con, take off my watch etc. Totally wasted.

Mar 14, 2006

Tuesday. A lazy day for me at home. Spent the whole day at home. Watched 3 dvds in the afternoon after i woke up. Finished one stack of papers. And then i headed down to Serangoon MRT to meet up with dear. Had vegetarian dinner with his mother and eldest brother. After that headed home and play MJ with Imran. Today luck was fantastic. One person was the winner and that was me! $95. I got it back. Slept like a pig.

Mar 13, 2006

Monday. Went to the lawyer's firm to sign some papers with my parents. Had breakfast there. And then we walked over to Chinatown to eat the soy sauce chicken. Take a walk and after that, they went back home while i went back to SK. Rest for a while and headed to Punggol CDAC for tuition. Finished at 830pm this time round as the other session not enough people to start a new class. Dropped by at Montfort to surprise dear. But he was too busy to entertain me. So in the end i left, went to Weiping house to have dinner and then started our usual MJ session. Tired out at night.... walked back home.

Mar 12, 2006

Ken came over and we moved some stuffs. Lost my way coming back to SK to fetch dear. I hate manual gear. Super confusing. Long time never drive manual alone some more.... Did a slight detour to baby's house just to catch a glimpse of him but nobody was at home. Sigh. But at least i tried to everytime i have transport. Managed to reach parents house. Unpacked and had lunch with dear and parents at home. After that, supposedly made an appointment with dave but she is not free so got to postponed. So we headed back to SK to put down the boxes and went to Tampines to return the van to Ken. Had dinner there. And watch NANNY MCPHEE. really nice show. Cool. Took cab home as dear was still not feeling well.

Mar 10, 2006

Poor Raphael fear of reprisal from that family

He dared not go and fetch his dog for fear that we will be there.

Hiding behind the wall talking to the police. Afraid?

Is that the way to treat your elders?

Friday. Work as usual. The dog came 1 minute before me in the cab. And of course the idiot was standing at the gate waiting for her. Opening the door for her. Submissive to her. This time round, when the police ask the question. That idiot just answered for Raphael without giving him the chance to talk. Chatted with Raphael for a while. He is like a robot kept on repeating on what is drilled into him. So sad....

Went to eat the noodles with parents. Dear came over and joined us. Chatted with him for a long long time. At least i felt better... with all his logical thinking with his head instead of letting my heart rules my action. He bought a single stalk of white rose for me. So sweet. Then we headed home as we are too late for the Ritz apple strudel.

Mar 9, 2006

Super long day. The maid came and clean up. Reach school quite late. Talk to Normalis over the stamp incident. She found the culprits and scolding were done. Talked to the parents and i realised that there are such people around, unreasonable, stupid, blind parents who condones the child in stealing... and still kept on siding her. Feel like either slapping her to wake up or send her to hell instead. Stupid. Here we are trying to inculcate moral values into the kid and there the stupid parent is making as if it is my fault to leave my things in the room to tempt her child in taking it. Kaoz. Stupidity like the stupid ex of mine. Idiotic. There are a lot of these kind of people around. After work, went to SIM with aliz and hamimah. Then took cab back with them too. Reached home, dear was surprised as he thought i went to Zouk. I was reluctant but it was BB Birthday... so i have to at least make an appearance for her. So i dressed and went down. PP was there already. Big table waiting for us. Met up with a few long time friends. Gerallyn and Dave were there too. Cool. Drank and danced. BB was really high. All of them left. And i accompanied her to have her first meal on that day. The alcohol effects must be still there for her as she sent me home by cab. Hmmm... suddenly BB is so nice.... ha ha. Anyway, dear was still wide awake waiting for me at home at 330am. So sweet. Of course with intentions. *wicked laugh*

Friends

She cuts my hair!

Gia

The Occasion

Best of Friends

Mar 8, 2006

Wednesday. Work as usual. Had to go for meeting from 9am to 2pm. Long hours. Kept on nodding to sleep. The day passed quickly. Went home to cook for dear again. And after that stay at home while he went out for his scout meeting. He bought me the "yin yue ri ji" cd. We listen to it together. The problem is the missing songs... kaoz. Anyway, we tried to retire early.

Mar 7, 2006

Tuesday.Got to go school in the morning for the Diary Farm Trip and Fish Farm Trip. So tiring. Went home and cook and waited for dear to come back and eat. After that, went to play MJ with jac, as usual lost around 50 plus. Sian. Dear was not really happy with me running out to play and leaving him at home. Naughty me.

Lawyer's Letter

We are instructed that our client has not at any time prevented your client from seeing Raphael. (by showing displeasure, and by distracting him with things making him not come out) We are further instructed that your client should know that the last time Raphael was with her overnight, he was left extremely hungry when our client picked him up after 11.00am in the morning. (Due to his lateness and his promise to bring raphael out for lunch) Raphael informed our client that your client did not provide him with any breakfast (which obviously i did and he knows it but as time went by, he conveniently change his memory) and that he did not want to go with her anymore. (Which was not true, as Raphael did not want to come out cos he was always promised things which make him choose to stay at home and wait for him. But in the later part, he has taught him well and reminded him of that incident so that he would know how to repeat only that incident and not have the feeling of wanting to go out with us anymore) Despite that, our client has not at any time dissuaded Raphael from going to your client. (Which he did, not dissuaded... but forbid with actions and pressure my son)

As regards to our client's mother splashing water on your client, we are instructed that when your client was at the front gate and Raphael did not respond to her, she went to the back of the house. (Which the police also did, went behind whenever she did not respond) On seeing our client's mother, she started hurling insults (Just stating the facts that why she asked her friend to go out to the front gate to say that nobody is at home which she is at home, which proves that she is lying all the while) at our client's mother. It should therefore not surprise your client (of course, surprised as i didn't know that she will stoop so low, although this is not the first time the mother uses water as an excuse to dirty me) that our client's mother reacted the way she did. We are instructed to inform that our client's mother's rights against your client are also reserved. (So am i to say that i could do the same to her... with my flask of soup when she say something that doesn't sound right to me)

We are instructed that your client is at liberty to make all the claims of how loving a mother she has been to Raphael, but Rpahael being a precocious child, knows exactly who the better parent is (what is the meaning of better, brain washing, insinuating, immoral, despicable, uneducated, loser) and what 'spending quality time' with your client (he took one month mc to brain wash the kid after i told him that i want custody of raphael) means. Our client and his mother have not and need not influence Raphael on his thoughts about his mother. (he needs to as he is insecure that he may lose custody of the kid as i have told him that i am going to fight for it as raphael asked me to) All it took was for your client to neglect him on one occasion (only on one occasion! And he can remember? A child does not bear grudges at this kind of age unless being drilled into remembering the details which he did) and Raphael himself decided that he is better off with our client than yours. (Due to brain washing)

We are instructed that your client has been coming to our client's home on Fridays to pick Raphale and our client has not prevented Raphael (he did by not opening the gate and ignoring us. Actions speak louder than words) from going with your client if he wanted to. However, each time your client was at our client's home, she behaved like a deranged woman (try taking a kid away from a mother and you will get the same result from a normal woman) hurling insults (advise and facts of the injustice done to me) at our client and his mother and taking photographs of them (to show what kind of treatment we get when we visit raphael). She has also been calling for the police who spoke with Raphael (Police has to be there incase he turn violent towards us as he had threatened to do so). All these actions are done in the presence of the child. (By yelling at elders and using foul languages in front of Raphael is he setting a better example) Thus, instead of improving her relationship with Raphael, your client has worsened it. (Worsen due to their brain washing and negative remarks whenever we visit him) She should therefore not blame our client or his mother that the child does not want to go with her. (Raphael's actions each time when being asked a question he would look at the father before he can decide what answer does the father wants him to say.... fear of reprisal.... poor son. Every policemen and friends who were there with me, said that it is very obvious that he did the brain washing of the kid. So now left with only the judge to judge with pictures edvidence and police report. Now the son never mentioned the other mommy already due to him telling him not to?? Last time, he cannot stop mentioning... maybe i should request that the judge to ask raphael a few questions, i don't believe that the judge cannot see through a kid actions and words)

Mar 6, 2006

Woke up quite late. Went down to Chinatown with dear. Had lunch with him. Then met up with parents at around 1pm. Headed to Family Court. He reached at around 1.20pm with his lawyer. Why does he need a lawyer? It is just a PPO. He needs the lawyer to protect him? Anyway, a long sleeve shirt with pants doesn't make him seems more educated. Just a wolf in sheep's clothing. Court was adjourned to 20th March 2pm as the lawyer says that client does not know why he was sermon to court and he denied all allegations. Kaoz.... don't know why and still can deny without knowing why. So 'clever'. Anyway, got to wait for another session of court. In the mean time the DPO was extended. So i can still get to see Raphael without any fear of the mad dog. Chatted with a few women. And it seems that people can see the bad psychological effect he is doing on my son no matter what went wrong with the marriage. The child is innocent and my son is being used as a pawn in his childish games. Of course, he knows no better. But it is just sickening to be facing an idiot who thinks he knows all. Makes people feel frustrated that there are this kind of human walking around with his head held high. After the court, went to have tea and fruits with my parents and discuss on the topic. After that, bought some beads and headed home. Do a set for Diana and then went for tuition. Called Diana's mother to get Diana's number and i gave her a call in Australia. Wait till she comes back and i will send her the bill. ha ha. Dear was so sweet to come and fetch me at the tuition centre. We headed home together. And BF came over... dear was a bit suspicious as he does not recognise him. And said who is that and why is he waiting for you. So i jokingly told him that it is my part time BF ... ha ha. In the end, i quickly told him before he flares up. Ha ha. Took the clip and put all my gifts in the envelope to be sent together. Retire early as we had a long long day.....

Mar 5, 2006

Sunday. Dear went for his tuition. And i went to Grandma house at 11am to have porridge and raw fish. Yummy. Chatted with my cousin.. and realised that we have the same hairdresser silkcut.Make an appointment and went down at 1pm to have a hair cut. Long queue... waited till 3 plus then i am done. Bought a couple watch from 25 hours for our 2 year anniversary at Tiong Bahru Plaza. Headed down to Kovan to meet up with him. Shop and had our dinner. Then his nother called and we went back to his house to talk about the house. Left at 9 plus. Went over with Jac to play mj till 12am. Lost $23. Do my tma till 3.30am. He then came back from coffee with BK. Shacked... slept...

Mar 4, 2006

Dear sent me to CDAC while he went for his scouts. After CDAC, headed down to SIM for lecture from 230pm to 5pm. Got the answers from a fellow lecture mate. So happy. At least got something to refer to. After that, thought of visiting my parents for a while before i go and meet my sec school friends. Called the whole day... but never return call so i ended up calling dad. Both of them are at bukit panjang mj. So i didnt go back.

On the way to town, remembering that she said that if i am in town to give her a call. She was on the train. So i went back to dhobby ghaut to meet up with her. Also went to SGH to visit her mother. The bruises due to the numerous needles is terrible. The leg is wrapped up and need to go for pysiotherapy. It is so painful... for me to see. Anyway, had a good chat with her all the way. It is just like the old times, except that there is mutual understanding about us. And we have the same line of thoughts in regards to being friends. I have the same feeling for her and G. Topic varies here and there. And she can tell me that she treat gf and friends the same... then i guess i am really happy to be friends. This song came to my mind while she walked me to the station. And i sang it to her. And of course she knows the song... her era. Haha.

When you're down and troubled
And you need some loving care
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again

Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you'll hear me knocking at your door
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you

Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
Ain't it good to know that you've got a friend

When people can be so cold
They'll hurt you, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don't you let them
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again

Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

As i left, we both turned and waved. And it was surprising that a thought came to my mind.
I love her. These feelings or words has never surfaced last time. But i guess i can say it now. I love her like a friend..... i want her to be happy. I asked her, what is she looking for, a part-time, a lover, gf, or a companion. She has no idea. She wants all in one. But i know what she is to me. She can be a companion for life, i feel that i can trust her to be a companion...a friend for life. To be there ups and downs.... Things are better.... i have begin to learn to trust her ways by knowing her better.....

Dear was so sweet. He said that i could have dinner with her since he can't make it that early. But i told him that i will be having dinner with him. But i guess he is learning to trust.

Met up with Yuling at Wisma. And we went to the food court to get seats first. Irvin and dear came and we had dinner. After that, we proceed to Lido to watch Underworld. Shaun and Chong Yang joined us. After the show, we went to mac to have drinks. No more shakes....sad. Then we headed home. Tired out.

Mar 3, 2006

Work at 9am. Full swing. Rushing for deadlines. After thinking for such a long time, i have decided not to go and see raphael today as daddy will not be free and we are afraid of him using violence on us when no man is around. I guess that's what he is, he will only use violence when he knows that he is alone with the person and he has the upper hand. Bully. So i guess i have to forgo my visit till after the court case. Supposedly to meet dear outside work. But he overslept again. Went back home instead and cook. Then he went out with his friends to pasir ris to catch up. I didn't want to follow him. So i stayed at home. WP called and went over to play MJ with Jac till 3am and lost $18.Tired out. I have to make myself really tired so that i won't have dreams of rapael..... shacked.